October 08, 2002

Ascending

my first sob
released into the arms of your might chest
lost forever in the midnight raven.
could that be why
i long
to stroke you, my lovely?
(as though you were a rabbit coat)

if i pawed&stroked
your head
would it sing to me
of my sorrow? like the cold nights
i spend alone maybe then i could hear it. (i listen for it, night
and day) your voice, milky sweetness
sang over the babes that lay in rows of soft&slumber.
dripping it, my love over every word you spoke to them
(those tiny souls untouched and perfect)

i ache for you, my tiny one
but i have left you long before
with the carousel man (o’ the thing she loved so much)
“i love you my darling,” I blow with a kiss.
(it was always you) the child
of my heart. the light in my eye. (that kept me from seeing,
from seeing what? all the things i thought
i might have missed. but it was not amiss.)

oh the day we sat
astride the fastest black stallion
red with admiration for the love i had for you.
so quick on his feet
to catch your fate, how quickly it over took you.

our play together
is no more (the puppets are silent,
the curtain no longer calls) and now we all lay sleeping
how i miss you folding
into my arms (like a wiggling worm)
your hair wrapped round my fingers; like a snake
as you sang to me
of such wonderfully silly things.

a stranger to myself,
in the land that made you live.
how will i ever
find my way home?

before - after