January 10, 2003

Bachie MawMaw

i hold it
in my hands
throughout the day.

changing the outcome
of what will happen in the end
in my head. to see which one is best.

making sure
not to rest for to long
on the thought that makes me stumble.

i catch my breath
between calls. wonder how
i could have had it all, with you.

could have
held it forever,
like gold in my hands.

i could have had
all of you. year after year
but we always think, "of course there's time."

cause
i was 6 and/or more,
and starwars in the backyard
was better then old people in the living room.

cartoons were on
adults were always there
and i saw that at some point, you just ran out of lap.

i wanted to be
big like you, for while
until i saw how they picked you
until you couldn't get up. till you finally gave up.

how do you
answer for thing so large
so many people other then yourself.

what did you breath
when you dared to dream
before you whispered us to slumber, and died inside to sleep.

before - after