February 03, 2003

deserve

i deserve everything you've given,
and everything you take from me.

i don't think your still beside me; i can't feel you close to me
it's nothing that i expected; it's no longer what i need.

i deserve it, even though you can't tell by the look in my eye.
i'm never going to be good enough, no matter how hard i try

i need your hands so cold and tight to drop across my breasts.
i want them fast, i want them strong.
you'll never guess what i've done wrong.

i deserve it and you can't say it, you can't hold me with doubt inside.

in time, i will become the darkness that comes upon my room.
then you won't find me any more; i'll be nothing left but doom.

i deserve it; you just don't know it. I need to find my soul a home.

the little cuts have all been sliding fast together to form a fit.
i no longer have the hatches; i'm suddenly just one big slit.

i deserve it; you just can't see. you could never admit you're wrong.

from this slit the thing inside me shall become what they needs to be.
my monster will become, will become as i concede.

i deserve it; though you don't like it. there are no choices, it's all been done.

the little one will try to fix things, right my wrongings all in all.
but he will never take me under, i don't give up, cave in or crawl.

make me feel, close the deal.
i'll be something, just never the ideal.

before - after