September 07, 2002

Hazy Gray

in the hazy gray of morning
i cross over and wait next to you as you sleep
pressed my your memories
i swing back and forth into my dream
hoping i will remember the way back to you
after you are gone

i sit in this room
and wonder how you could ever stand to leave it
as i trail off staring at the hole in the wall
you made when you thought you were losing me
it’s those inconsistent reunions that rips me up inside
my anguish will always be from that
no matter how much you are with me in my thoughts
your body is what i crave
and it’s just not normal
to not have you here with me

because i’m tired of fighting walls that ignore my pain
i can’t spend another night making love to fingers that are my own
i need you to fall weak upon me
and you never will with me feed on you like a hungry child
every time you return
i need to know something beyond this moment
behind this screen is worth it

but you keep me out
push me away
and ask me to control emotions in my heart that i can not command
at some point you have got to see that i am doomed
because i’m never going to have it all
i’m stuck with half of something i still desire
and your so far away from loving me

before - after