April 04, 2004

his first love

my boyfriend just found out that his first love hung her self in the woods in september. a group of boys were found dragging her body through the parking lot, parents called the police.

i meet her all of about 6 times. once or twice we spent the whole time up with other friends on his birthday, she even spend new years eve with us one year celebrating my birthday. from what i know about the two of them they never really dated, but at one point she tried to get him 'back'. he told her he was with me, and there would that was that. i told him i didn't trust her, and that if it weren’t for him putting his foot down that she would keep trying.

shortly after i stopped hearing about her. she was always a free spirit. disappearing for week, sometimes months and then popping up surprised that anyone was worried. i didn't even know she had moved back to home. he said that he had been calling the house where she lived since some time in august...leaving messages for her to call him back. they just took the message, and told him she would when she got in.

i'm guessing it's normal to think...'what if we would have called her?', 'what if i would not been so hard on her', 'what if i would have let him be closer to her'.

....it just seems strange to feel so guilty, and responsible over someone that i didn't know that well. thou i remember the first time we meet. she ran up removing my sunglass and said, “i want to see your eyes.” “ohh…beautiful!” she said. she had dirty feet and ankles, and a cute pixie hair cute. we took a picture of her that day, the picture pops up throughout our house in the oddest places. at first i thought it strange that a grown woman would want to be a fairy so bad that she would changed her name, now i know it was just Mixie.

before - after