October 13, 2002

no longer fight

every time we start, it ends the same way.
i have learned that fighting through things
is not always the best way to live.
at some point you must understand that 'it' will never go easy.
you can fight, or let it go it's own way.
i gave up on you a long time ago.
i have fought your fight for to many years
to think i want to do it again.
i know that you will never be easy,
that you will think you can always have everything.

if you want to write, write.
i’m done crying over words you mail to me.
i'm not going to reply,
i'm sure at some point i will ask you to stop.
if i ever had a desire to have anything with you
you have allowed that to quickly dissipate.

you ware down the patience i have
until i am tired of even the thought of having to battle on.
i cared for you at one time,
but now i wish you happiness.
i wish nothing bad for you,
beyond that, i'm must say i am past you.

i've re-read letters you sent me
seeing the games you played then, and even now.
i'm sorry you’re hurt by my words,
but i'm not going to validate you anymore.
i understand how you work,
the infatuation has cleared.
you are, and i fear will always be about only yourself.

love is about how you feel.
what you think you are in the relationship.
i simply don't have time for that anymore.
you act as though you have accomplished a huge feat,
realizing you loved me.
finally you are not afraid to say it.
but i have always known that you did,
and i have always seen it as something sad.
something wonderful, you never took the time to realize.

i didn't react to you, because it doesn't matter anymore.
there is no place in my heart for me to put you,
and your love.
there shouldn't be,
because you and i have been nothing for such a long time.
it's time for you to move on.
stop trying to go back and fix all the things you left in shambles years ago

i'm not the same person you loved three years ago,
maybe she would have felt differently about all of this.
in her perfect mind she would have dreamed of all of this coming back to her.
you, your family, and everything would have had a wonderful ending.
but the reality is that i am no longer part of your life.
this is not a good bye,
it's just reality for you.
i am happy in a life i built from scratch,
after you and i.
i am more myself now then i ever was before.
this is me, moving forward without you.
i hope over time you can do the same.

before - after