May 12, 2003

pretty mom's regret

lonely girls are good for some things
if they're not to unpleasant
or don't complain too much
ugly girls are even better, if they're not too scary
they turn their faces to the ground
making it easier to scrub the floors clean
pretty girls aren't good for anything
they make bad mothers, and they really can't clean

my mother was said to be the ugliest of 10 kids
all she ever wanted was a room of her own
to breathe her own air in the thoughts of her own space
it never happened like she wanted
she breathed the morning breath of the younger ones
who curled round her night and day
talking baby thoughts as she cleaned baby play
till she hated everything that a teenage 'mother' could
she never had a chance to live. to find her legs

my mom wed into lonely
found that the mother of 2, wife of one
is still regret just with different names
she danced for us, sang us to sleep
we still heard it, though she never said it
'what could life have been'
we knew she wanting a room of her own
and strength to make it change

my mom the pretty girl married once again
treated like a princess, caring less and less
forgetting everything she's left behind
she now has a room of her own
she fills it
full of other people's things
unable to be still in her own silence

i wish i had an ugly mommy
i hear they are the best to have around
lonely ones are good for some things
but pretty ones, just break your heart

before - after