March 11, 2003

stand&scream

i'm tired tonight.
i haven't slept, and i have ended
many days empty. my body refuses
to go on. if only i could pull strength once again
to tell you, 'i love you'. if only/maybe then.

i've known a long time that you
were the on thing that could shake me.
that you were the thing that would leave me broken.
one day you would take it all, and be the end of me.

i've attempted to struggle,
gathering remnants to cloth myself
but it never comes together, it destined to fall apart.
you never loved, it was obvious to everyone but me.

i could have been brave,
could have yelled my love for you
over the angry rage of the world we live in, but i never did.
i might have found out in one swift punch,
how much you loathed me, but i am such a coward.

i will never have that strength/when i'm within you.

instead,
i laid on the ground outside scratching my nails down your door
hoping you would let me in with the cat.
we cried for you all night, we sang it just for you.
but never once did you touch the door.
how much you must hate me, and the cat.

you're never going to love me?
i've heard it all before. you all keep dating,
and get married, just not to a girl like me.

the old me is no longer living
i just need time to let me breath.
had i known that i was worthy,
i would have stood and SCREAMED.

before - after